Abstinence
- STD's - Dating
- Parenting - Marriage
Matters - Sexual Assault - Cohabitation
What's the big deal about when I have sex?
There are a ton of reasons why it is best to keep sexual activity inside the boundaries of a committed marriage but let's just take a couple:
First, there's always the possibility of having to deal with an unexpected pregnancy. After all, they ARE reproductive organs, and any person that you have sex with could possibly be the person you create a new life with. Is this really the person you want as the parent of your child?
Second, there is the very real danger of sexually transmitted infections and diseases. They can change your life - or end it. They can take away your ability to have a child when you want to and leave you with physical and emotional pain.
Then there are the emotional consequences. (See The Emotional Dangers.) Contrary to what people might tell you, what you do today does affect your tomorrows. Sex is a very personal experience that establishes an emotional bond between two people. All you see and hear and do forever becomes a part of you.
Before making the decision to become (or continue being) sexually active, consider this: What does sex mean in your life? Is it one person using another to get their needs met? Or is it an intimate physical, emotional, and spiritual connection between two people who have pledged to share their lives together?
Anyone can have sex. It takes trust, respect, and a lifetime commitment to make love. Why settle for less?
I want to wait but how do I handle the pressure?
Hang
out with people with the same values as you so you can support each other.
If you find yourself hiding your true feelings from your friends, those
probably aren't the people you'll be happiest around.
Have something tangible to remind you of your commitment. For example,
a pledge card, a letter to your future spouse, a chastity ring or other
jewelry (check out The Abstinence Knot).
Avoid casual dating. Research shows that the younger people are when they start
dating, the sooner they end up having sex. If you think you can handle
it, be sure to plan your dates in advance.
Date in groups or at least double-date.
Make sure your date knows that the evening will not be involving sexual
activity. If that ruins the date-its pretty obvious what they really wanted
and you just saved yourself some inevitable heartache.
Avoid down time, alone time, or "couples" time.
Always have an out planned in case things start heading down a path you'd
rather not travel.
If nothing else, "I think I'm going to be sick" usually works-and
it's not a lie since going further could make you sick!
Avoid alcohol and drugs and always keep any drinks with you at all times.
While nobody ever deserves to be taken advantage of or date-raped, you
can decrease your odds of becoming a victim by keeping your eyes open
and your mind clear.
Most importantly, show respect for yourself by what you wear, how you
act, and what you say. Then you will attract people who want to be with
someone they look up to - not down to.
THE
EMOTIONAL DANGERS
By Thomas Lickona
In discussions of teen sex, much is said about the dangers of pregnancy and disease, but far less about the emotional hazards. And that is a problem, because the destructive psychological consequences of temporary sexual relationships are very real. Being aware of them can help a young person make and stick to the decision to avoid premature sexual involvement. That's not to say we should downplay the physical dangers of uncommitted sex. Pregnancy is a life-changing event. Sexually transmitted disease (STDs) can rob you of your health and even your life. Condoms don't remove these dangers. Why is it so much harder to discuss sex and emotional hurt, to name and talk about the damaging psychological effects that can come from premature sexual involvement? For one thing, most of us have never heard this aspect of sex discussed. Our parents didn't talk to us about it. The media don't talk about it. And the heated debate about condoms in schools typically doesn't say much about the fact that condoms do nothing to make sex emotionally safe. When it comes to trying to explain to their children or students how early sexuality can do harm to one's personality and character as well as to one's health, many adults are simply at a loss for words, or reduced to vague generalities such as, "you're too young" or "you're not ready" or "you're not mature enough."
This relative silence about the emotional side of sex is ironic, because the emotional dimension of sex is what makes it distinctively human. Some emotional consequences are short-term but still serious. Some of them last a long time, sometimes even into marriage and parenting. Many of these psychological consequences are hard to imagine until they've been experienced. In all cases, the emotional consequences of sexual experiences are not to be taken lightly. A moment's reflection reminds us that emotional problems can have damaging, even crippling, effects on a person's ability to lead a happy and productive life. Here are 10 negative psychological consequences of premature sexual involvement.
1.
WORRY ABOUT PREGNANCY AND AIDS
2. REGRET AND SELF-RECRIMINATION
3. GUILT
4. LOSS OF SELF-RESPECT AND SELF-ESTEEM
5. THE CORRUPTION OF CHARACTER AND THE DEBASEMENT OF SEX
6. SHAKEN TRUST AND FEAR OF COMMITMENT
7. RAGE OVER BETRAYAL
8. DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE
9. RUINED RELATIONSHIPS
10. STUNTING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Reflecting on her long experience in counseling college students and others about sexual matters, Dr. Carson Daly comments: I don't think I ever met a student who was sorry he or she had postponed sexual activity, but I certainly met many who deeply regretted their sexual involvements. Time and time again, I have seen the long-term emotional and spiritual desolation that results from casual sex and promiscuity.
No one tells students that it sometimes takes years to recover from the effects of these sexual involvements - if one ever fully recovers. Sex certainly can be a source of great pleasure and joy. But as should be amply clear (and youngsters need our help and guidance in understanding this) sex also can be the source of deep wounds and suffering. What makes the difference is the relationship within which it occurs. Sex is most joyful and fulfilling" most emotionally safe as well as physically safe" when it occurs within a loving, total, and binding commitment. Historically, we have called that marriage. Sexual union is then part of something bigger, the union of two persons, lives.